Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
