At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
