At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
