I think my vagina is haunted
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize