what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
