: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize