She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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