She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
