So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize