the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
