let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
