sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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