if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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