She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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