Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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