Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
