when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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