Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
