i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
