allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
