God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
