I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
