I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
