Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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