You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
