Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
