it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
