I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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