we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
