you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
