census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
