Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
