I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
