dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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