I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
