I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
