Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
