just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
