that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
