Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
