Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
