Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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