it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
