I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I said "one day" and that day is not today
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
