why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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