I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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