I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
