I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
