Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
