Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
