Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
