walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
try to milk me bitch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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