you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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