the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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