I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize