your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize