This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
