So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everclear isn't food dammit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
