There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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