i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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