Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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