i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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