I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
