Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What a dumb baby whore.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
