the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
