ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
