CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
