Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
