i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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