I wanna bring you to show and tell
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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