By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
