Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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