Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
