No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
