Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
