atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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