Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
