I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I see more hoeing in ur future
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