theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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